Forced to be a Snob

After Bible Study last night, I dropped Josh off in the city to meet our friend Drew for a Copeland concert. On the way home, I was really thirsty, so I decided to go to Safeway and get myself a Snapple. Josh gets to go to a concert. I get a Snapple. Fair trade.

I’m standing in line and the guy in front of me (late 30s/early 40s) looks back at me twice for kind of extended periods of time. So, I finally look up at him (I was acting like I was really into the magazines) and he goes, “Hi. How are you doing tonight?” Um, hello old man, I’m 25. I have a diamond on my left ring finger, oh, and see this belly, yeah, there’s a kid in there. It’s my husband’s. Is what I’m thinking as I apathetically reply, “Good. How are you doing?” And then he says he’s fine and says he’s excited for the “regime” to be changing in January. I’m polite enough but not really friendly and then he tells me I can go ahead of him in line b/c I just have a drink and he has a basket full of stuff. After saying, “No, that’s okay.” He insists and I accept.

And that was it. He got on his cell phone and didn’t say one more thing to me. And as I was leaving Safeway, I was very confused as to how I should have acted. If that would have been a woman, I would have been much more friendly and talkative. I rarely even make eye contact with men (who are strangers) and if a man ever smiles at me (unless he’s over 80) I hardly ever smile back. It’s a weird dynamic. Should I have been more kind to him (while simultaneously rubbing my belly with my left hand so that he’d get the idea)?

I think I’m jaded b/c on my way back to school one year after Christmas break, I sat next to a guy in his mid-30s on the plane. I was 20. And we spent the whole time talking about God and my beliefs…and I’m thinking I’m a really good Christian and just when I think he’s going to ask me to pray with him, he asks me if I’d like to go out to dinner with him!!!??? Blach. Because he was so “old” and I was so ignorant, I hadn’t seen this coming at all!! I awkwardly declined, using the excuse that a boy (who I wasn’t even dating…but I didn’t let him know this) wouldn’t like the idea of that. Phew. And then we sat in silence next to each other for the rest of the flight. AWKWARD. See, I used to be nice to men but then things like this would happen.

Anyway, what is the point of this blog? I have no idea but if you want, you can share stories you have or tell me how you interact with strangers who are men.


9 thoughts on “Forced to be a Snob

  1. that is so awkward liz!! I bet he just wanted to talk to a cute girl and feel like he “still had it” .. I have a story! When I lived in Prague, a few of my friends who were really good Christians would go to the center on Friday nights and reach out to the homeless.One Sunday my friend Peter shared in church his experience, and really encouraged all of us to do the same. It was really compelling and I was convicted. These people needed a friend, a conversation, a warm meal.So the next time a homeless guy approached me (like a half hour later), I happened to have a granola bar in my purse, so I went to reach for it. Well, this guy was like “great, she’s giving me money”.. and then when i handed him the food, he looked at it for a minute, confused, and handed it right back, and asked for money.I was at a bus stop, and my inability to speak Czech was really obvious. Everyone at the bus stop had already ignored this guy, and here was the foreigner handing him packaged food. By the time the bus came, this guy was really in my face and getting louder. I just jumped on the bus and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I was disillusioned.. and thought guys can reach these men, I’m justified in buggering off.

  2. This blog is so funny Liz because I am the SAME way. I was telling Bryan a while ago that I hate getting any attention from men, but especially scuzzy looking men and those are ALWAYS the ones that seem to notice me. Not that I want good looking men to hit on me or anything but you get my point. The thing that bugs me so much about most men is that they make it so obvious when they are looking at a woman. They don’t just look once, they look again and again and again…it’s so weird. I have often watched (being a people watcher) men checking out other women and it’s SO obvious to everyone around. The only men I am really friendly to, that I don’t know, are older (like you said..over 80) men or men in uniform, isn’t that weird? I have a story about time like 2 years ago at Winco (which is usually where the dirty men look at me) this really good looking (sorry Bry) older fireman, probably in his 50’s, was shopping with his “fellow firemen” and he was not hitting on me at all but he was really friendly, told me how cute Peyton was and he totally helped me BAG my groceries while his buddies waited at the door!! How nice is that? But I know for a fact if it had just been some regularly dressed guy I would have been thinking “sicko” but because he was a fireman, I thought he was so nice. So, it’s totally stereotyping..ya know? Anyway, funny blog..I’m right there with you! I think you handled it nicely.

  3. Oh man Liz, I hate awkwardness. I cannot think of a story of the top of my head but I have been there. Most of the time I bring it on myself and do not realize until afterwards and I totally stereotype men..egh. It can just be hard to tell because what if that guy kept looking back at you because he saw that you only had a drink and that you were pregnant….he was feeling convicted that he should let you go ahead but he doubled guessed his conviction bc he really need to get out of there to get home to his preggo wife…Anyways, I like the others stories too. (Are those you sisters?)I hate it when I actually catch a guy checking a girl out. Which I did just the other day at Church….she was physically pretty and in-shape and had on tight jeans. Which made me think about the clothes that I wear and justify so easily?? Are we causing men to stumble because we just want to look cute in our jeans…maybe this will be my next FMT. I didn’t realize my comment would turn it to this….HA!Kelly

  4. NO story BUT advice. Being pregnant everyone wanted to talk to me. No joke I think people would make things up just to talk to me. It’s like they aren’t sure if you are real or not. Especially if it is a man, who can’t be pregnant himself. It’s strange and it will only get worse the larger that belly gets.sorry 😉 did you hear Drew almost left Josh?? Silly boys

  5. you’re such a snob, Liz…jk! I know what you mean, and i used to naively think that once i was married this problem would instantly disappear…and now from what Faith said i see that just because you have kids doesn’t mean you are immune either!oh well, i don’t really have any advice either…except that there’s not a one-size-fits-all approach on how to act…guess it depends on the situation and the guy who is making you uncomfortable

  6. I totally get it, I always feel like I’m being a snob when I’m at the grocery store, because I’m serious and I don’t make eye contact with guys… but in this comment I’m warning against women :)When I was pregnant with Grace, I was working at that little book store. My belly was HUGE, and I was going about my working business. A lady came in and was drawn to my belly like a bug to the light. She started rubbing my belly with her hands… and I just stood their awkwardly… and then she asked if she could rub my belly… I stammered out a yes since she was already rubbing it. THEN she put her hands under my shirt and started rubbing my bare belly! Yeah it was SO weird! I just stood there in shock… and when she was done… I walked away… feeling kind of strange… so be ware of the woman too 🙂

  7. wow…i was reading your blog and thinking, what a creep! and then all he did was offer you his spot and i thought, oh he was nice! 😦 it’s sad that we have to feel on the defensive. no advice. but i can relate. it’s hard to know how to act. and i agree with another comment on here. there’s this weird social rule that pregnant women are public property. people are much more friendly to you and somehow it’s even okay to ask, “are you SURE you’re not having twins?” it’s even okay to reach out and touch a stranger’s stomach??? strange and sometimes awkward and at least if some stranger touches you, totally inappropriate, but also rather endearing how people love pregnant women. a sign that we’re still human. 🙂 enjoy!ses

  8. Liz,I am about to meet you and you are just a wonderful human being…. and funny too. Now women are not the only ones who go through the “awkward gig.” I have been going through that most of my life. I used to never look anyone in the eye in public when I was much younger (your age). After becoming a Christian I just found myself trying to be kind and notice everyone. I went from being self absorbed to fascinated with people. Now guys don’t have to worry much about what women do. You are cautious and that is great. I look forward to finally meeting you next week. Tell Josh he isn’t allowed to get sick this time!Bill

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